It was around this time last year that I logged into Facebook from my little apartment in Quito, Ecuador and saw a few pictures of the Hope Youth Staff retreat. I had only met a handful of the people that were in attendance. To be honest, I was only interested because two of my best friends were involved, but as I looked through the pictures and continued to browse some of their photos I began to feel pretty sad.
Maybe sad isn't the right word because I'd say I was generally happy to be living abroad, traveling, and speaking Español every day. The word I'm looking for would probably be closer to lonely or empty. What I saw in those pictures was more than just the happenings in the lives of two close friends, it was a reminder of what a blessing community is.
Unfortunately, it was also a vivid wake up call that I was living without any form of real community. I met several people during my time in Ecuador who I consider dear friends and with whom I share many great memories. The problem is most of the people I spent my time with had probably never experienced the type of community I was coming from at Virginia Tech. Let's just say there's a high standard of what I look for in the group of people I surround myself with.
I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Your community is largely what determines the kind of person you become or strive to be. This is painfully obvious when you leave everything and everyone you've come to know well for the last four years of your life. I was not the man I wanted to be in Ecuador. It's hard for me to admit that on here. As my friend Nicole mentioned to me recently, a blog is just an expression and possibly even a reminder of things you actually believe about yourself. That being said, I'm not one to be too vulnerable. I don't regret the choices I made and in moving forward I know God was present each moment of those nine months where I was barely keeping my head above water.
Fast forward. I've just been tagged in a few pictures from the Hope Youth Staff retreat. It's been a year since I saw those pictures and longed to be back in a community where I am challenged and experience growth along with genuine love. In only one year God has brought me into a community that has welcomed me like they were just waiting for me the whole time.
The friends, leaders, students, and families that I have formed relationships with in this community are now something I value above all else. I was discussing this with two friends recently and I shared how this group of people is so intricate and unique that only a God-sized miracle could bring us all together at this point in our lives in Richmond. I am thankful for that because without this refreshing community I would still be clinging to something that is now a joyful but certainly distant memory.
On that note, if someone from my time abroad is reading this I want you to know that I'm glad our paths crossed. I'm thankful that God used you in my life to teach me how to love people well outside of a church. I'm thankful for your friendship and for making a confusing nine months pass by almost too quickly. I apologize if I didn't meet the same standards that I tend to require in choosing relationships. I want you to know that I love you, God loves you, and if you ever want to catch up please feel welcome to call. As we would say back in Ecua...siga no mas.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
sunny days
The weather can make you do weird things. Like impulsively shaving the longest beard I've ever had after fifteen weeks on an unseasonably nice March day. Or maybe it was more weird that I grew a beard for that long because of the weather?
I don't think we really give the weather enough credit, we often underestimate the influence it has on our moods and decisions. Some people spend a lot of time worrying about the weather, almost as if they could actually do something about it or change it to suit their needs. We fret about how the rain is going to ruin our weekend plans. We stress about the temperature affecting our electric bills.
On the other hand, some could care less and walk out of the house unprepared for what the forecast may hold. We might wind up soaked from top to bottom in a downpour or maybe freezing cold without the proper attire. The ignorance is bliss rule doesn't usually play out well with weather.
Something about this sounds familiar.
We're all about control. Our attitudes concerning things like the weather reflect this in our nature. We want so badly to know what we can determine, calculate and judge based on the knowledge we have. Even those who choose not to be prepared for what lies ahead are still saying in a sense that nothing can control how I live my life, that they will be just fine without knowing what's to come.
What I'm suggesting is simply this- I don't think we give God enough credit. We sing songs of praise on Sundays, we bless our meals in His name, occasionally throw up a casual "thank God" for something of no real consequence.
I believe the more we pay attention to God, really focus in on who He is and what He's about, the more we begin to truly see what's going on around us. I believe when we're not freaking out about work next week, or when we're not just sleep-walking our way through life, God is eager to step in and reveal His glory and presence to us in a refreshing way each day we are given.
We can't worry our way into a right relationship with God that guarantees safety and stability. We also can't passively ignore the seriousness of what God's done for us and what He wants us to be for His glory. Our eternity hangs in the balance of our attitude towards Him.
God can make you do weird things. The presence of the Holy Spirit dwelling within us can cause us to make choices that even to ourselves may seem irrational. We can't even begin to fully understand some of the thoughts and desires God places in our hearts and minds. That's okay, at least most of the time I'm okay with it. Thankfully, our Father isn't living in the realm of weekend forecasts. Just enjoy the weather.
I don't think we really give the weather enough credit, we often underestimate the influence it has on our moods and decisions. Some people spend a lot of time worrying about the weather, almost as if they could actually do something about it or change it to suit their needs. We fret about how the rain is going to ruin our weekend plans. We stress about the temperature affecting our electric bills.
On the other hand, some could care less and walk out of the house unprepared for what the forecast may hold. We might wind up soaked from top to bottom in a downpour or maybe freezing cold without the proper attire. The ignorance is bliss rule doesn't usually play out well with weather.
Something about this sounds familiar.
We're all about control. Our attitudes concerning things like the weather reflect this in our nature. We want so badly to know what we can determine, calculate and judge based on the knowledge we have. Even those who choose not to be prepared for what lies ahead are still saying in a sense that nothing can control how I live my life, that they will be just fine without knowing what's to come.
What I'm suggesting is simply this- I don't think we give God enough credit. We sing songs of praise on Sundays, we bless our meals in His name, occasionally throw up a casual "thank God" for something of no real consequence.
I believe the more we pay attention to God, really focus in on who He is and what He's about, the more we begin to truly see what's going on around us. I believe when we're not freaking out about work next week, or when we're not just sleep-walking our way through life, God is eager to step in and reveal His glory and presence to us in a refreshing way each day we are given.
We can't worry our way into a right relationship with God that guarantees safety and stability. We also can't passively ignore the seriousness of what God's done for us and what He wants us to be for His glory. Our eternity hangs in the balance of our attitude towards Him.
God can make you do weird things. The presence of the Holy Spirit dwelling within us can cause us to make choices that even to ourselves may seem irrational. We can't even begin to fully understand some of the thoughts and desires God places in our hearts and minds. That's okay, at least most of the time I'm okay with it. Thankfully, our Father isn't living in the realm of weekend forecasts. Just enjoy the weather.
Friday, February 24, 2012
finishing well
There's a lot of things I don't really finish well. For instance...
I have no problem doing laundry until it reaches the folding and putting away stage and that's when I casually "take a break" and eventually just wear all the clothes in the pile for two weeks until it's time for another wash.
I actually love grocery shopping but I always find myself lingering in the store, browsing items I have no intention of buying, simply avoiding at all costs returning home to restock the cabinets and fridge.
Speaking of groceries, I don't believe I can recall a time that I've finished a bag of grapes or a bunch of bananas, yet I continue to purchase them telling myself, "this time I'll finish them all I swear!"
These things may seem fairly trivial in passing but what I've begun to realize is it's often the little things can make the biggest differences in our lives. The little lies, deceits, or secrets we know of ourselves and in our hearts. The things even people around us may have taken notice of while we have grown dull to the prodding of our conscience against our stubborn will to resist real change or growth.
I just spent last weekend as a volunteer youth leader on a winter retreat with Hope Student Ministry in the Outer Banks. It was a refreshing time of community and bonding with some younger guys who I've gotten to know pretty well since moving to Richmond. Two of them in particular are seniors in high school, just a few months away from beginning the next chapter of their lives in college.
One of the things I prayed for the two of them more specifically during the weekend was that they would finish well. I remember how incredible it was to leave high school knowing my identity was found in Christ and taking that confidence with me to Blacksburg where my faith flourished. I hope for the same type of transition for those guys. I pray they continue to recognize the importance of seeking God as they move forward in their lives, asking for guidance and expecting an adventure. I pray that He would bless them for their faith.
For this lenten season, for forty days I'm challenging myself to drink only tap water and not eat out (yes, that includes Chickfila). It's going to be interesting these first few days to see how often I have to check myself from picking up a cup of coffee at work or stopping by Jimmy John's on my lunch break or even just having a beer on Friday after a long work week. My only hope is that I can finish well, that I wouldn't fall prey to a passive approach towards the end of the forty days and make excuses to compromise.
Where do you notice passivity and opportunities for growth in those areas? Is it something you can really focus on through the next few weeks?
I have no problem doing laundry until it reaches the folding and putting away stage and that's when I casually "take a break" and eventually just wear all the clothes in the pile for two weeks until it's time for another wash.
I actually love grocery shopping but I always find myself lingering in the store, browsing items I have no intention of buying, simply avoiding at all costs returning home to restock the cabinets and fridge.
Speaking of groceries, I don't believe I can recall a time that I've finished a bag of grapes or a bunch of bananas, yet I continue to purchase them telling myself, "this time I'll finish them all I swear!"
These things may seem fairly trivial in passing but what I've begun to realize is it's often the little things can make the biggest differences in our lives. The little lies, deceits, or secrets we know of ourselves and in our hearts. The things even people around us may have taken notice of while we have grown dull to the prodding of our conscience against our stubborn will to resist real change or growth.
I just spent last weekend as a volunteer youth leader on a winter retreat with Hope Student Ministry in the Outer Banks. It was a refreshing time of community and bonding with some younger guys who I've gotten to know pretty well since moving to Richmond. Two of them in particular are seniors in high school, just a few months away from beginning the next chapter of their lives in college.
One of the things I prayed for the two of them more specifically during the weekend was that they would finish well. I remember how incredible it was to leave high school knowing my identity was found in Christ and taking that confidence with me to Blacksburg where my faith flourished. I hope for the same type of transition for those guys. I pray they continue to recognize the importance of seeking God as they move forward in their lives, asking for guidance and expecting an adventure. I pray that He would bless them for their faith.
For this lenten season, for forty days I'm challenging myself to drink only tap water and not eat out (yes, that includes Chickfila). It's going to be interesting these first few days to see how often I have to check myself from picking up a cup of coffee at work or stopping by Jimmy John's on my lunch break or even just having a beer on Friday after a long work week. My only hope is that I can finish well, that I wouldn't fall prey to a passive approach towards the end of the forty days and make excuses to compromise.
Where do you notice passivity and opportunities for growth in those areas? Is it something you can really focus on through the next few weeks?
Sunday, January 15, 2012
broken cisterns
If you know me well enough, you'll probably know that I'm kind of into music. And by kind of I mean I LOVE it. I love listening to it, singing it, playing it...you name it, if it involves music I'm interested. I often find my roommates or friends asking, "Hey, what's some good new music I should hear or who's making moves in the music world?". I love that. I love that people who know me know that I'm someone to come to for good music recommendations. It might even be a prideful thing but that's another blog for another day.
Now if you know me really really well, you'll probably know that my all-time favorite band is Switchfoot. They've been making great records for years and they're still going strong. I might even say they're only getting better as they get older, which isn't easy to do. The lead singer is Jon Foreman, an artist that I admire a lot for his unique creativity and honorable character. He's done several side projects over the years, some of which being solo EP albums. In one of his songs titled "The Cure for Pain" the first verse goes like this:
So I'm not sure why it always flows downhill,
why broken cisterns never could stay filled.
I've spent ten years singing gravity away,
but the water keeps on falling from the sky
I think a good portion of music is left open to interpretation for the listener, but more often than not lyrics are personal reflections of the heart and mind of the artist. These lyrics speak to me loud and clear. In this verse alone I find a message that has resonated over and over again through different periods of my life. Like I said before, I think a lot can be said for interpretation but what I think he's trying to say with these lyrics is that God is persistent.
The song speaks of God's willingness to grant us renewal and mercy regardless of our attempts to cling to life without Him. The lyrics tell the story of our rebellious hearts and God's persistence that tears down the walls we hide behind. We try with all our might to be self-sufficient, to find life apart from Him, shouting to the heavens, "Hey, you up there I can do this on my own!". Yet the water in our broken cisterns disappears and while we desperately look for answers He keeps the water falling from the sky.
I feel what a lot of people would get from this is God is faithful but I've never quite understood the theology of that. We are called to be faithful, to believe in the unseen, to walk by faith, to hope for He who is yet to come. God being faithful is a nice idea for some people I suppose, but it doesn't seem strong enough, at least not for me. I'm talking about God being persistent, so I thought it would be helpful to list some synonyms of the word persistent just to get a better idea of the point I want to make. Here are just a few: determined, constant, endless, enduring, perpetual, relentless, steadfast, and my favorite...stubborn.
I relate well to stubbornness because it's such a human quality in comparison to the other ones I listed. I wouldn't consider myself perpetual or relentless, but stubborn is definitely on my level. It might not be biblically correct to say God is stubborn because of this little thing called grace, but I am comforted knowing that all I cannot be, He is. He is all of those words and more, unimaginably more.
No matter how much I push away, fight, or ignore all of who God is and what He has for me...I cannot escape His persistence. It's literally never-ending and surely incomprehensible. He is on our side, he is for us, He is with us. Does that make sense? Some days it does, some days it seems like the furthest thing from the truth. We're not made to fully understand it, only embrace and live in it. Thanks to Jon Foreman for helping me understand that.
Now if you know me really really well, you'll probably know that my all-time favorite band is Switchfoot. They've been making great records for years and they're still going strong. I might even say they're only getting better as they get older, which isn't easy to do. The lead singer is Jon Foreman, an artist that I admire a lot for his unique creativity and honorable character. He's done several side projects over the years, some of which being solo EP albums. In one of his songs titled "The Cure for Pain" the first verse goes like this:
So I'm not sure why it always flows downhill,
why broken cisterns never could stay filled.
I've spent ten years singing gravity away,
but the water keeps on falling from the sky
I think a good portion of music is left open to interpretation for the listener, but more often than not lyrics are personal reflections of the heart and mind of the artist. These lyrics speak to me loud and clear. In this verse alone I find a message that has resonated over and over again through different periods of my life. Like I said before, I think a lot can be said for interpretation but what I think he's trying to say with these lyrics is that God is persistent.
The song speaks of God's willingness to grant us renewal and mercy regardless of our attempts to cling to life without Him. The lyrics tell the story of our rebellious hearts and God's persistence that tears down the walls we hide behind. We try with all our might to be self-sufficient, to find life apart from Him, shouting to the heavens, "Hey, you up there I can do this on my own!". Yet the water in our broken cisterns disappears and while we desperately look for answers He keeps the water falling from the sky.
I feel what a lot of people would get from this is God is faithful but I've never quite understood the theology of that. We are called to be faithful, to believe in the unseen, to walk by faith, to hope for He who is yet to come. God being faithful is a nice idea for some people I suppose, but it doesn't seem strong enough, at least not for me. I'm talking about God being persistent, so I thought it would be helpful to list some synonyms of the word persistent just to get a better idea of the point I want to make. Here are just a few: determined, constant, endless, enduring, perpetual, relentless, steadfast, and my favorite...stubborn.
I relate well to stubbornness because it's such a human quality in comparison to the other ones I listed. I wouldn't consider myself perpetual or relentless, but stubborn is definitely on my level. It might not be biblically correct to say God is stubborn because of this little thing called grace, but I am comforted knowing that all I cannot be, He is. He is all of those words and more, unimaginably more.
No matter how much I push away, fight, or ignore all of who God is and what He has for me...I cannot escape His persistence. It's literally never-ending and surely incomprehensible. He is on our side, he is for us, He is with us. Does that make sense? Some days it does, some days it seems like the furthest thing from the truth. We're not made to fully understand it, only embrace and live in it. Thanks to Jon Foreman for helping me understand that.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
presence in 2012
It's very strange to think I began this blog in 2010. I somehow lived more than a whole year before returning to this tonight. This outlet for my thoughts will obviously serve a different purpose now, as it originated as a method of chronicling my time in Ecuador.
A brief summary of current events in my life: living in Richmond with four awesome guys, working full-time as a Montessori preschool teacher, and finding life through community at Hope Church. I know that's not much, but as we say in our house, "don't get caught up with the details".
I'm returning to this blog somewhat because I stink at journaling. I've tried over and over again to no avail. Doesn't matter how cool or functional my current "journal" might be, I fizz out after two or three days of nonsensical scribble. It's weird because I like writing, I would almost say I love writing. So when I sit down to write in a journal it should just naturally flow from pen to paper, right? Nope. One day I would really like to be able to do that because it's sad to see the written word disappearing from our generation. I say this while having just finished reading an entire book via PDF and have just begun another. I attribute this solely to lack of funds for book purchases and my roommate's inability to read books as quickly as I would like.
As 2012 is beginning to hit first gear I have noticed that a lot of people around me and the general popular thing to do is forgo any typical New Year's resolutions. Instead the trend is to pick a word or phrase that is a characterization of sorts for 2012, in other words what you hope to live out in your life for the next year. As I've been thinking about this concept a lot coming back from a trip to Passion 2012 in Atlanta, I've been constantly encountering my word:
Presence.
For me, it carries layered significance. Presence, this year to desire more of the life-giving presence of my God and Savior, to seek it out more earnestly and wholeheartedly to not only see my life transformed by His power but simply worship Christ with everything for being all I need.
Presence, to be content where I am right now. That I might truly be present, not longing for where I hope to be next year, not where I know some cool people are doing cool things, not where I wish I could escape, but where God has led me to at this very moment to honor His will and wait patiently as He prepares my heart for the next journey.
Presence, to purposefully engage the amazing community I currently find myself in. Building new relationships, wholly embracing the already fruitful ones I share. I hope to discover more of God's identity through some incredible people, conversations, and experiences over the course of this year.
As I sat on the couch in the enormous living room of our house tonight listening to a friend share his journey and receiving some wisdom from a mentor, I realized this is it - this is what I'm searching, seeking, even running after in 2012. Learning and loving and living, all the while giving my Father the glory.
I guess we'll see how long this blogging thing goes. I'm hopeful, cautiously optimistic that it will withstand 2012 and this time next year I'll be blogging strong...is that a thing? Blogging strong, strong blogging? Thanks for reading!
A brief summary of current events in my life: living in Richmond with four awesome guys, working full-time as a Montessori preschool teacher, and finding life through community at Hope Church. I know that's not much, but as we say in our house, "don't get caught up with the details".
I'm returning to this blog somewhat because I stink at journaling. I've tried over and over again to no avail. Doesn't matter how cool or functional my current "journal" might be, I fizz out after two or three days of nonsensical scribble. It's weird because I like writing, I would almost say I love writing. So when I sit down to write in a journal it should just naturally flow from pen to paper, right? Nope. One day I would really like to be able to do that because it's sad to see the written word disappearing from our generation. I say this while having just finished reading an entire book via PDF and have just begun another. I attribute this solely to lack of funds for book purchases and my roommate's inability to read books as quickly as I would like.
As 2012 is beginning to hit first gear I have noticed that a lot of people around me and the general popular thing to do is forgo any typical New Year's resolutions. Instead the trend is to pick a word or phrase that is a characterization of sorts for 2012, in other words what you hope to live out in your life for the next year. As I've been thinking about this concept a lot coming back from a trip to Passion 2012 in Atlanta, I've been constantly encountering my word:
Presence.
For me, it carries layered significance. Presence, this year to desire more of the life-giving presence of my God and Savior, to seek it out more earnestly and wholeheartedly to not only see my life transformed by His power but simply worship Christ with everything for being all I need.
Presence, to be content where I am right now. That I might truly be present, not longing for where I hope to be next year, not where I know some cool people are doing cool things, not where I wish I could escape, but where God has led me to at this very moment to honor His will and wait patiently as He prepares my heart for the next journey.
Presence, to purposefully engage the amazing community I currently find myself in. Building new relationships, wholly embracing the already fruitful ones I share. I hope to discover more of God's identity through some incredible people, conversations, and experiences over the course of this year.
As I sat on the couch in the enormous living room of our house tonight listening to a friend share his journey and receiving some wisdom from a mentor, I realized this is it - this is what I'm searching, seeking, even running after in 2012. Learning and loving and living, all the while giving my Father the glory.
I guess we'll see how long this blogging thing goes. I'm hopeful, cautiously optimistic that it will withstand 2012 and this time next year I'll be blogging strong...is that a thing? Blogging strong, strong blogging? Thanks for reading!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)